Beauticians

by Marlon

When I was starting out as a makeup artist, a college friend asked me to do her makeup for her wedding. So with four other friends we hired a van and drove north of Manila. The wedding was to be held in their summer place. We left Manila around sunset for the five-hour drive. Because of the traffic, we got there by midnight. The provincial roads in that area are narrow and dark. On one of the curves, our headlights revealed a military check point. Now, the Philippines had a long history of military check points, specially during the Martial Law in the 70’s. It’s not that we don’t trust our men in uniform completely but when it’s midnight and you’re way out in the boondocks -- men with big guns who block the road are very scary. So we stopped in front of the checkpoint, our driver rolled down his window and greeted the men politely. The men had stoic faces and systematically surrounded our van. They opened doors and shone flashlights inside the van. Personally I was very scared. When, they got to the back of the van, they opened the back door and found one of our friends sleeping on top of make-up boxes and hair styling bags. They brusquely woke him up and asked, Ano ang nasa mga bag? (What’s inside the bags?) My friend who was surprised and who didn’t know what was happening piped in his sweet high-pitched voice, Make up?! The men looked at each other and started to laugh, A mga beautician! (Oh, beauticians!) They let us go.

Hair

by Marlon

I have a gay friend, his name is Allan. One day he was on a jeepney, he was on his way home. He was sitting by the entrance (the backend of the jeep). Three places towards the driver is an elderly lady with long flowing hair. Now, jeepneys have large windows running from front to back on both sides. Jeepney drivers drive like road demons. They drive really fast and without regard for lane markings, other vehicles and pedestrians. They stop anytime and anywhere. Every time the jeep would speed up, the elderly woman’s hair would fly towards Allan, hitting him on the face. Allan would just move his head to avoid the woman’s hair. After some time, he politely called the woman’s attention and asked her if she could tie her hair back. The woman looked at him crossly and turn her back on him. The hair-flying and face-hitting continued. Before even Allan got to his house, he called out for the driver to stop. He got down quickly and before the jeep could move on, Allan grabbed the woman’s hair from the back. Allan started pulling. Allan called the woman names. Then Allan ran as fast as he can all the way home. When Allan got home, he heard a woman’s loud voice inside the house. He eavesdropped by the window. His mom has a visitor. The visiting woman was telling his mother about this gay man who grabbed her hair from the back, called her names and then ran away really fast. Allan silently left and came back home after midnight.

The Curse

by Marlon

I have a gay friend, his name is Mel. One day he was on a jeepney, on his way to work. Now, Mel is rather flamboyant. Sitting across him was a pregnant woman and her girlfriend. The pregnant woman must have been on her last trimester. The pregnant woman kept staring at Mel, she would then turn to her girlfriend and whisper something. The two women would softly giggle. This was making Mel really uncomfortable. Having enough of this “treatment” Mel, asked the woman, Anong tinatawa-tawa nyo dyan? (What are you laughing at?). The women ignored him and continued to giggle. The pregnant woman muttered, Bakla! (Gay). Mel was so mad, he asked the driver to stop, got off the jeepney, then turned to the woman. While pointing at the pregnant woman’s stomach, Mel shouted, Isinusumpa ko, ang anak mo ay magiging bakla! (I curse you, that your child will become gay).